I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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