I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
