On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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