Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
