I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
