i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
