i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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