It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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