Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
