I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
