Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize