In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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