you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
