I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
