just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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