Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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