all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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