he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize