Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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