I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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