I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
