I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
