my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
