Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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