All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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