Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
