Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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