things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
