It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
