So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
