my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
