went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
