when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
