He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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