Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
