But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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