Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
