he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my shit smells like andre
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
