I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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