So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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