i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
