we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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