i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
