Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
