I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
