The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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