Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your penis caused this!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
