the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
