she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
farters have to be the big spoon...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
