i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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