I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
