Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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