Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
