If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
