I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
