Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
