As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
