I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
