If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
