My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
