okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
