Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
