You can't motorboat a personality
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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