check it out our google latitudes are spooning
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
