Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
