I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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