Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
