I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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